Force Alito to Appear at Hearings, Dick Durbin, You Doofus

Why even have a Senate Judiciary Committee?

Illustration of Dick Durbin, apparently.

Last week the New York Times revealed that Supreme Court justice and fascist insurrectionist Sam Alito had flown a fascist insurrectionist flag over his fascist insurrectionist house, because he is (how shall I put this?) a fascist insurrectionist.

Immediately, the heroic Senate Judiciary Committee Chair Dick Durbin leaped into action to curtail this Qanon flag flying bullshit, as is the duty of the Senate Judiciary Committee Chair! Huzzah!

Ha ha. No, that heroic Durbinning did not happen. Not even a bit of it. Instead, my Senator Dick came out with a sad, empty fart of a statement.

“No, we haven’t got anything planned,” he mumbled, before tumbling helplessly into a crater.

From the bottom, on his back, limbs flopping around like an upended beetle, he continued, “I think he’s explained his situation. The American public understand what he did. But” (and here he emitted a mournful honk,) “I don’t think there’s much to be gained with a hearing at this point. I think he should recuse himself from cases involving Trump and his administration.”

When asked what would happen if Alito did not recuse himself, but instead crawled down into the crater to plant an inverted fascist insurrectionist flag in Dick Durbin’s soft and pliant underbelly, the Senate Judiciary Committee poohbah whispered, “There’s no recourse other than impeachment, and we’re not at that point at all.”

Then Alito kicked him in the head, and all was silence.

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There is too recourse, ffs.

Durbin’s embarrassing display of chitinous spinelessness is all the more baffling because even Republicans on his committee seem willing to acknowledge that Sam Alito raising a fascist insurrectionist flag reflects poorly on one Sam Alito. Mitt Romney seemed open to hearings: “Obviously it looks very unfortunate, and we ought to take a good look at it.” Even Trump toady Lindsey Graham—Lindsey fucking Graham!—found that this particular toad stuck in his neck wattles, and harumphed re Alito and fascist flags, “It’s not good judgment to do that.”

Of course, Graham and Romney probably wouldn’t vote to impeach Alito. And as Durbin says, from down there in that pit, if you can’t impeach him, what can you do? He’s a Supreme Court Justice. He faces no consequences. He could literally tear off Durbin’s sad beetle appendages one by one, and there is nothing that the Democratic leader could do. Why hold hearings when the hearings won’t lead to consequences?

There is a glaring error in this logic, though. Because the thing is—and this is a thing that the Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman of umpty ump years should probably know—the thing is

HEARINGS ARE FUCKING CONSEQUENCES IN THEMSELVES! SAM FASCIST INSURRECTIONIST ALITO DOES NOT WANT TO BE HAULED BEFORE A HEARING. IF HE IS THAT IS A MOTHERFUCKING CONSEQUENCE!

Hearings are consequences

So, to repeat with slightly less shouting and cursing, hearings are consequences themselves. Let us make like Barrett Browning and count the motherfucking ways.

First, Senate hearings on the fascist insurrectionist fuck ups of a sitting Supreme Court Justice would get a lot of press. Without hearings, Alito and/or his wife flying a fascist flag from their house will probably be a story for a week or two, and that’ll be that. With hearings, on the other hand, you will have weeks, and possibly months, of additional coverage. Running up to the election, lots of people will be reminded that Alito, the guy who gutted abortion rights, is a fascist insurrectionist.

That is embarrassing for Alito. It also may well harm Trump’s campaign—which is a consequence since, again, Alito is a Trump supporter who appears to want Trump to establish a fascist dictatorship. Using Alito against Trump will irritate them both. That is a consequence.

Also! In hearings, Alito will have to explain himself, under oath. He will be asked to discuss  whether he thinks fascist coups are awesome—which will be awkward for him, since he does, but doesn’t want to say so. He will be forced to behave at least somewhat deferentially to Senators from both parties as they ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing, and why the fuck he’s such an unethical fascist piece of horse manure.

If there’s one thing we know about Sam Alito, it’s that he doesn’t like being questioned about being a fascist insurrectionist. He says his wife and he were upset when neighbors said they were complicit in January 6—so upset they had to raise a fascist insurrectionist flag to get back at everyone. Imagine what Alito and his wife will do after a bunch of Senators sit him down and tell him he’s a fascist insurrectionist asshole. Maybe he’d do something so awful he could actually be impeached.

Or maybe he’d be forced to agree to recuse himself.

Make Alito the next DeJoy

That may sound implausible. But congressional grillings do in fact often push congressional grillees to take concrete action. Columbia University president Minouche Shafik famously, and disgustingly, called NYPD to arrest and harass her own students following a House committee hearing. Why did she do that? Because after the hearings she wanted to demonstrate her anti-Palestinian bona fides to rabid Republican anti-Palestinian bullies.

The Democrats, for their part, have repeatedly called Trump-appointed Postmaster General Louis DeJoy on the carpet in hearings. The first time was in 2020, when DeJoy seemed to be about to make operational changes likely to delay ballot delivery. DeJoy appeared before teh Republican-led Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, and Democrats used that as an opportunity to highlight their concerns and demand explanations and assurances. Just the announcement and run-up to the meeting led DeJoy to scurry to insist that the changes would come after the election.

Senators held another contentious hearing in April of this year, as part of ongoing efforts to force DeJoy to do better on mail service, and to eventually push him out of office. Georgia Senator John Ossoff in particular excoriated DeJoy for not reading a letter from Ossoff and for generally being a giant sack of unmentionable semi-solids befouling the post office with his existence.

The Senate cannot on its own force DeJoy out of a job. But it can make his life uncomfortable, and push him to try to minimize that discomfort by trying to deliver ballots in a timely manner, and/or by reading his own mail. Powerful people like DeJoy and Alito are used to answering to no one; they like to feel they are above the little people, and that they are solely responsible for evaluating the ethics and virtues of their own actions. Reminding them that they are in fact accountable to the public through its representatives is, again a consequence in itself, which can embarrass and humiliate them, and which can change their behavior to the extent that they do not want to be embarrassed and humiliated again.

Why, Dick? Why?

Other members of Congress, Republicans and Democrats, understand that hearings can be a powerful force, which is why university presidents and Louis DeJoy were grilled at hearings. Why is Dick Durbin so resistant to doing the same to Alito? Why is he such a useless putz?

I can’t say for sure, of course. My guess, though, is that he’s scared. He’s worried that hearings would rile up the MAGA base in defense of Alito. He’s worried that Alito would refuse to appear, and he doesn’t want to subpoena him and maybe put him in jail. He doesn’t want to undermine respect for the Supreme Court as an institution.

Or maybe after decades in the Senate he still doesn’t understand how hearings work because he’s a fucking bozo. I doubt it, but who knows?

I do know this, though. When Durbin says that the Senate has no way to hold Alito accountable and no tools with which to respond to unethical conduct by Alito and Clarence Thomas? That’s not true. The Senate has the ability, and indeed the duty, to oversee an out of control, corrupt, pro-insurrectionist judiciary branch. Durbin is failing his voters, his party, and his country. He should do better, before Alito gets a chance to do more fascist insurrectioning than just flying a fucking flag.

Correction: Text has been changed to clarify that the 2020 hearings with DeJoy were in the Republican led Senate.